Hold me accountable!

I have wanted to start this blog for a very long time. I have wanted to begin this journey, officially, for a very long time. Since I graduated from law school (and college for that matter), I have battled my weight. For those who have seen me at my thinnest, gone are the days when I used to gaze at my six pack in the mirror (that is for you, Eli). Gone are the days of cheerleading practice, plyometrics and running. They have been replaced by court hearings, yardwork, caring for my dogs, hanging out with my friends. But I am happy. Extremely happy.

In true Carrie Bradshaw style...

How can I be so heavy, yet so happy?

Most of you will say, "Because you eat what you love, that is why you are happy!" I do eat what I want, when I want. Sometimes I eat for health, sometimes I eat for hunger, sometimes I eat for stress, sometimes I eat for comfort. I believe that is normal for about 90% of women. I am happy because I just bought a house, I have a great relationship with my family and the most amazing friends a gal could ask for. I am happy because my career is fulfilling and I have a boss and co-workers that I care about (and who care about me).

I am also happy because I am living pain free. For many years, I was plagued by pain. Pain from injuries and chronic conditions stemming from my complete disregard for my health. Knee surgeries, torn muscles, broken fingers, torn nostrils, herniated discs, sciatica, arthritis, degenerative tissue problems...all brought me pain on a daily basis. I was thin...but I was in pain. I looked great in my jeans but there were some days I could barely walk. With every rain or heavy snow, I ached. This eventually caused, what I believe, to be a pain related depression. Working out brought no relief, only more pain. I think I hid it well - only those close to me knew I relied on physical therapy, massages and medications to function. When the insurance ran out and I could no longer get those things, I started eating.

I gradually weaned of all medications and decided that I needed an out - an out from the emotional cave and an out from the physical pain the weather in the midwest brought. With the help of my twin sister, I changed course and moved to Phoenix, where I have been living pain free (and chubby) ever since.

Phoenix is an amazing place for those who want to be physically active. With great weather 80% of the year and offerings of such a diverse terrain, I should be more pleased with my options for physical fitness. I love going on the occasional walk or hike, but I crave the discipline of a more developed exercise regimen without too much impact. The minute my knees and back hurt, I walk away out of fear the chronic pain will return. And I need exercise to be about stress relief. I believe that is my key to staying on track. Something was always more important - taking the bar, getting a job, getting used to the job, buying a house...I never took the time to make it a priority.

And then I found yoga. All forms of yoga. The combination of strength training, flexibility, breathing and meditation takes to a level where I have never been before. It is euphoric for me. It has been life changing.

But I still fall off the damn wagon. Between financial struggles and other various excuses I find compelling (but not really), I have fallen off the wagon.

So here is begins. I will be held accountable by this blog. If you don't see me posting about exercise, yoga or generally being in search of better health, remind me in Facebook, texts or emails (kindly please). No worries friends, I will still be my status-updating self and not every post will be about yoga. In an hour or so, when Allie returns from Zumba, I will be stripping down to a sports bra and shorts for my first photo shoot...the starting point. I will have her photograph me each week. I won't reveal my weight (because that is not what this is about, but it would be nice to drop some lbs) because this is about better health and a life with less pain. Hopefully, the pounds are part of that.

So please stick with me as a center with yoga and hopefully, whittle my center.