Back to Bikram

So I did my first Bikram class since HCG and it was difficult, both physically and emotionally.

I don't look the same. My body is re-shaped and therefore, my practice is very different. I need some time to adjust to seeing this new person. Even though I lost weight, my body looks much different now than when I was this weight before. Very strange. I need to get some of that tone and muscle back but the BossLady tells me that a lof the re-shaping happens in P3. Gonna trust the BossLady on this one...

I am also not as flexible as I was when I was practicing regularly before. That will return in time, as will my stamina. There were people that I used to practice with that noticed the difference in my weight, and that feels nice. But my mind couldn't escape the negative thoughts tonight.

I got pretty emotional in the final poses because I was exhausted and embarrassed. I know that when practicing, I need to leave everything "outside the room" but it kept creeping back to me when I was struggling and lacked stamina. I was more consistent when I was heavy. I know it will come back and probably be easier. I had set myself up for disappointment by thinking a "thinner" me would make practice so much easier and that I would be able to execute all the poses without any trouble. But my body could not simply keep up with the calorie burn and I lost steam in the final minutes.

I think I need to get in some complex carbs on days when I do bikram - perhaps a banana or some melba with peanut butter. It is difficult to sustain a practice not eating carbs. Lesson learned. Going back on Thursday night and I will let everyone know how it goes:). This time, I will try to leave everyone outside the room .